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There’s something weird in here that’s detracting from the peach/orange. I think it’s maybe hibiscus or beetroot or licorice? I have no idea. It’s, like, pulling me away from being able to concentrate. I keep swishing this around in my mouth like “hmmmm.” It’s okay to make iced tea with, but I wouldn’t buy it again.

My buddy Mookit knows me really well. She recommended this tea, and lo and behold, it was in my samples. AND I LOVE IT.

This is a rich sweet berry concoction. Leading the way is a super-strong berry. Then you’ve got some sweet caramel/vanilla traipsing behind.

This tea is like the end of a movie, where everyone’s dancing. The camera slowly rises up, pointed below at our victorious protagonists. They twirl. The camera lifts, lifts, lifts, until everything is a blur. Cue credits.

This tea is ALSO notable because I broke in my Brand New Mug with it:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BH4yGOshZyI/
I saw the mug and I gasped because it was everything I needed. I didn’t even realize a new mug was in order until I saw this mug. Then I realized everything about my current situation was shabby and bad, and only the new mug would rectify the situation.

I will now be posting from a happier, better-mug state of mind.

Whispering Pines is recalibrating its Black Bear mix. The new mix isn’t in the system.

I got a preview sample from mtchyg, who is a fancy person IN THE KNOW.

Without a listing, I have no idea what is in this.

This is a very dark, strong mix. It’s butch as hell. It smells like tobacco and leather, and tastes like beef jerky and/or bacon. Some kind of meat, probably smoked. Did an animal die to make this?

I feel like I’m going to grow chest hair from this.

If you’ll excuse me, there are log cabins I need to construct, black bears to ride, and wild boars I have to tame.

This tea is super-complex for something so simple. It’s just a chocolate-hazelnut black tea. But there’s a variety of other notes. A creamy note, a mossy note, a molasses note. And, of course, the hot-chocolate almond-hazelnut tastiness.

This reminds me of Disney World. Did you know that, underneath the Happiest Place On Earth, there is a labyrinth that the staff use to get from place to place? It’s why you don’t see them traipsing around in between shifts. Or why Mickey appears in one spot, them shows up later in another. You’ve got all that joy on top, and then a bunch of solid inner workings underneath to make sure it functions properly.

This tea has flowers that you can watch open while you steep it. That’s really fun — and an inkling of what’s to come.

This is a super foresty and earthy blend. At first sip, I didn’t care for it. I was like “am I eating dandelions out of my front yard? Am I a rabbit?” (No. But I am a philistine.)

But as it’s cooled, I really like the deeper notes in here. It’s a claylike*, round taste that I appreciate.

*Disclaimer: I don’t eat a lot of clay, but it’s what I imagine clay would taste like. And, oddly, “clay” is a flavor you can pick below. So I am not the only person that’s like “it’s, you know, a pottery-in-progress kind of taste.”

As I approach the bottom of the cup, I’m really coming around. This isn’t something I would have picked out, but I’m glad I tried it.

I’m going to take this home and try steeping it before bed sometime. I think it would be a nice evening tea. As, I suppose, one would expect from something called “Moonlight Sonata.”

A thumbs-up to mtchyg for this sample. I’ve been running around an arts festival in searing heat + rain (am I sweating? is this rain?). I needed to work on some projects in the air conditioning for a while with something straightforward.

This is a creamy black tea with lots of vanilla, a sashay of coconut, and an earthy chocolate note at the bottom.

It’s like Boyz II Men. A lot of light fluttery stuff on top with that rich bass note grounding it. If you don’t remember Boyz II Men, you missed out on a fine cultural experience. In fact, I recommend going on YouTube and familiarizing yourself with them so you can fully grasp what I’m saying about this tea.

Oh, and another thing: PrestoGeorge is a great name for a tea company. It sounds like the name of an elderly magician. An un-creepy grandpa who does basic magic tricks at all his grandkids’ birthday parties. He has a little sign he carries in the back of his car that he props up against a table. The sign depicts a rabbit in a hat, though he’s never incorporated any living animal into any of his tricks. His kids (the parents of his grandkids) are like “oh, Dad, AGAIN with the MAGIC?” but secretly they LOVE it.

Thanks to mtchyg for the sample!

I read the name of this and was like “what’s genmaicha?” and “do blueberries really grow in sandy areas?”

Genmaicha is green tea + roasted brown rice, Google tells me. Also, blueberries are mostly grown in America, Holland-ish Europe, S Korea, and Japan. Not much blueberry action in Cairo. So now you know.

I’m going to reserve a rating on this tea at the moment because I totally oversteeped it. I got a phone call and forgot about my gravity steeper until about 5-6 minutes in (approx 3-4x the steep time).

What I can say is that the smell weirded me out in the bag. And the taste is also pretty weird.

It’s got this toasted, cinnamon, popcorn, blueberry thing going on.

You could have tortured me slowly for years and I never could have thought up such a thing. The Gestapo would be like “COME UP WITH A WEIRDER TEA” and I’d be like “seriously, um, I have no idea what you’re after. Kiwi, hibiscus, honeybush, and blue cheese?” and they’d be like “NOT WEIRDER THAN THIS THING LIQUID PROUST HAS GOING ON. TRY AGAIN.”

I promise a better review when I haven’t trashed the tea. I have a bunch left.

Another sample from the faboo mtchyg!

I had a parade lined up for this tea. There were twirlers, fire-breathers, unicyclists, mimes, a marching band, and floats that looked like dinosaurs. (I love dinosaurs.)

The tea has all the things I like: mate, chocolate, nuts.

Alas, I had to send everybody home. The mimes are flying back to Paris as I type.

This is a really good tea. I’ll enjoy the sample I have.

But it’s not a great tea. It’s a bit flat and one-note.

It’s an orchestra with only bassoons. And I just can’t take that down the streets.

My excellent friend mtchyg sent me a giant bag of samples, so strap in and feel the G’s, kids. We’re going on a ride.

I picked Jabberwocky first because I hear the world of Whispering Pines, plus I liked the name. It’s a mix of Harvest Fujian, Ailaoshan and Wild Arbor Yunnan black teas, according to Oolong Owl.

I know what it is made of, because I couldn’t believe how flavorful it was. I had to look it up. This is just straight tea — not tea pus a zillion other types of hazzurah thrown in, which is what I usually drink. It’s got great flavors. Citrus and woodsy and a little bit sweet.

There’s also a rich note, hiding near the bottom, of a sort of chocolate/pu-erh/earth note. I’m not quite sure it’s there. It’s like the Loch Ness monster, where I think I spot it, but then it slides underneath my radar.

I had no idea that “plain” tea could be so good.

Is this a whole new world? Am I going to have to sing about it on a flying carpet? I’m already chasing down Pokemon in the real world, so I might as well fully grasp the nostalgia while it’s hot.

Oh my gosh, yes. This tea steeps up a really bangin’ pink and tastes like an apple pie. I’m not getting a whole lot of “nuts” from this, actually, except for the creaminess.

This tea smells like an American BBQ dessert table.

You want to eat it, then watch a hot-dog-eating contest, then witness a man being shot out of a cannon, then fire off bottle rockets in your backyard.

Actually, I want to do all of these things all the time.

I wish it were a smidge richer, and had caffeine. Then it would be perfect. But as-is, it’s pretty great.