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This creamy, nutty tea hits the spot, especially after the crazy weekend* I’ve had. I need to rest a little with some tea.

*Pokemon Go. I think I spent at least 5 hours on my feet yesterday, between my morning run, finding all the spots on campus, and an evening venture into a park to figure out how a “gym” worked.

This is basically my grail of teas. It’s throaty and rich, with sweetness. It’s like a hand-knitted afghan around you after shoveling the snow. Ahhhh.

Sadly, it’s discontinued, because life isn’t fair. If you live in Canada, you can buy the Spring Collection, which it’s part of, but if you click on the American version of the site, it disappears. I kind of feel like a jerk even discussing it. I’m so close to a sipdown. I can feel my heart splitting along its seams.

So here’s a crazy thing I could not have made up: the writing on the outside of this tea’s box.
And I make up a lot of crazy things.
The box reads:
“Cinnamon sticks gather on a lush black-tea lawn for a leisurely afternoon of croquet and conversation. Ginger offers to keep score from the sidelines while handing out elegantly wrapped vanilla caramels.”
Oh yes. That paragraph genuinely happened.
I kind of want it framed.
It’s the most genteel, poncey, colonialist thing I’ve read in ages. I don’t know if it knowingly touches England and India’s fraught history. But here we sit.
Drinking what is honestly a pretty tasty chai, especially considering this is was cheaply purchased from a local grocery store. It’s very sweet and rich. The only downside is that it’s really heavy on the cinnamon. So much so that my husband could, for example, smell it from the other room. It’s… a… lot.
But overall, yep, this comes recommended if you want an inexpensive, sweet chai.

Steepdown (2)!
This tea tastes like a cardboard box with some bitter fruit added in.
I probably could’ve made it through the iced tea I made with this, but why? What would be the point?
I put it my remaining bags (most of the box) on the break room table with a note that said “free tea! take me home!”
About thirty seconds later, as I was rinsing out my mug, someone came along and said “wow!” and took a sachet. I want to ask her a follow-up question about how she felt about it — but I also don’t want to divulge that it came from me, in case she finds it as offensive as I did. I don’t want to lose a friend.
PS — I love how “cardboard” is a selection option down in flavors. That’s a good mix of funny and sad.

I was mad-hype about trying this iced, but it didn’t work out. Hot, it’s delicious; but cold, it’s too much. The cold has an insidious aftertaste that’s syrupy and aggressive.
You know, in movies, when the dad is dating some new woman, and she’s super-fake-nice to the kids? Then he leaves and she’s the worst? (The main example I’m thinking of here is The Parent Trap.) This tea, cold, is basically that woman. You don’t want her in your house, much less your digestive tract.
I’m leaving my rating as “80,” however, because hot, it really is a nice tea, especially at Tazo’s inexpensive price point.

This is my second note about this flavor. If you consume it in the form of iced tea, it’s better.
“Better.”
But still not “good.”
It still has this fairly awful green apple Jolly Rancher aftertaste that coats your tongue and refuses to let go.
If I had to choose between this apple and the apple that poisoned Snow White, I might honestly go with a coma.
How does this tea exist?
Have you ever seen the other Bruce Willis/M. Night Shyamalan movie? It’s called “Unbreakable.” Its premise is that, due to the bell curve, for every person, there’s another, opposite person.
A guy (Samuel L Jackson) with super-shatterable bones decides that he’s going to locate a super-sturdy person (his opposite, Bruce Willis) and destroy him so he can get better.
I should look for a person who adores this tea. I wouldn’t attempt a murder or anything. I just want to look my nemesis in the eye.

STEEPDOWN (1)!
You guys have no idea how much I’ve been dying to type that. Everyone else has so much speed and gumption in their tea drinking, whereas I meander from tea to tea to make sure no one feels left out.
(I used to rotate my stuffed animals in the same way. There was a system. Sammy The Seal always stayed, but the second plush changed nightly, with the least-loved stuffed animal getting the cherished beside-me place. This was based on sadness of expression, time since last cuddle, and whether it was “married” to another stuffed animal. Married stuffies require less attention from humans, since they have each other, obviously.)
… ANYWAY, THE TEA…
I hated this tea hot, but it’s okay cold. Icing a tea is sometimes my last-ditch move to make it palatable. I often do it when a tea is in the Naughty List.
Hot, I hate this tea and the horse it rode in on. It tastes like sad, sad halfhearted watered-down apple juice mixed in with a black tea that’s already been steeped a few times.
Cold, you can appreciate the apple more, and get a glimpse of coconut/cream. The fact that the black tea is weak is fine, because I typically cut my iced tea with half fruit and half black tea anyway.
I don’t taste any of this alleged almond anywhere.
Cold, it’s still “meh,” but it’s drinkable. I shall soldier through the end of my time with this tea. Toodles, tea. You sufficed.

I need to apologise to Pu-Erh for that long period in which I wouldn’t drink it because I thought it was gross. I was wrong, Pu-Erh. Will you forgive me?

This tea has a deep caramel/molasses/toffee thing going on.

You know James Earl Jones’ voice? It grew in the same rich soil that grew this tea.

That’s just science.

Grabbed this a few weeks ago and promptly forgot about it.
This morning, I realized I was going to be out all day, so I threw together some iced tea using this and a bag of Lady Grey.
Wow. GREAT combination. This is EXACTLY what I want my iced teas to taste like. Super rich berry flavor. Boom. Plus a tiny bit of orange peel to balance it out.
When I was hiking over the weekend, I plucked and ate tons of blackberries. This tea brought me right back there.
I only steeped this about 2 minutes. I imagine it would have been even tastier if I’d left it a bit longer, but I was trying to get the dog to cooperate so I could get out the door.