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50
Not Recommended
drank Chocolate Hazelnut Black Tea by Stash Tea
38 tasting notes

Let me tell you a story about a furniture store. It was, back in its day, the business with the biggest square footage in town, occupying the entirety of an unmissable building near the city center. A deep gulf separated it from the sidewalk; a covered walkway provided access. When I was small that made the building even larger in my eyes as it brought to mind moats and castles.
I was on-again off-again a member of my school drama club in high school. At the time, I was on, and we were canvassing local businesses, trying to sell ad space in playbills. In we went to the furniture store. The only sound was our footsteps, hushed and muffled by dense carpet. It was otherwise silent as a grave. Row upon row of beige lamps and beige sofas kept rank in the cavernous space with no customers gazing upon them. It was like a mausoleum in there, and it was, indeed, in its dying days. There’s no furniture store in town anymore.

This teabag smells precisely like that place.

Steeped, however, it actually smells like chocolate. Honest to goodness milk chocolate.

Unfortunately, it tastes like waxy, chalky product instead of the decent stuff it proclaims in steam, with the aftertaste of cheap, stale coffee. I don’t detect anything I would call hazelnut, just a generic sweetness. It’s not the worst thing Stash makes, and it’s fine to drink if you don’t think about it too much, much in the same way bottom of the barrel chocolate and crappy burnt coffee can be as well. As above, so below.

Just make a cup of hot cocoa if you want drinkable chocolate.

A note; I had the decaf version of this bag. However, look that one up, and you’ll see its entry is disturbingly broken.

Flavors: Chocolate, Coffee, Malt, Paper, Sweet

Preparation
Boiling 5 min, 0 sec 1 tsp 8 OZ / 236 ML
2 comments
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derk
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There are frequent cache issues with tea pages. When you find a broken page, scroll down, click “Edit Tea Info”, then click “Update Tea” or something. That’ll set it straight. I fixed the decaf page if you want to move this review over there.

Pre-Qing Miocene
Delete

Thanks! I’m unfortunately a day too young an account still to edit teas myself.

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Comments

derk
Delete

There are frequent cache issues with tea pages. When you find a broken page, scroll down, click “Edit Tea Info”, then click “Update Tea” or something. That’ll set it straight. I fixed the decaf page if you want to move this review over there.

Pre-Qing Miocene
Delete

Thanks! I’m unfortunately a day too young an account still to edit teas myself.

Login or sign up to leave a comment.

Profile

Bio

Getting back into tea after a hiatus of a few years, thanks to some friends. Aside from tea, I enjoy zoology, fish and orchid keeping, writing and the odd bit of art.

My ranking criteria:
100: Floors me. Something I can drink over and over again without it ever becoming routine. Things I’d buy again without hesitation after running out.
90-95: Impressive, very solid. Something I’ll drink more than once, although I might not always drink it while paying attention. Things well worth buying again when the mood strikes me but not things I always pine for when out of them.
80-85: Good, enjoyable to drink casually but still interesting enough to have a meditative session with. I don’t really care to utilize anything I like less as a daily drinker. I’ll rebuy these if I find myself missing them but don’t always miss them.
70-75: Nothing wrong with them, but they don’t really hold my attention long. I don’t rebuy these when I run out of them, though I might look for a ‘better’ version if I felt they had merit that could be brought more to the fore. I usually reserve them for times when I want my tea but will be too distracted to notice anything fine.
60-65: Okay. Not repulsive or extremely disappointing, but nothing special. Things I’ll drink if I don’t have to pay for them. They don’t inspire my feelings towards either pole.
50-55: Has some flaws, usually limited to disagreeable dry smell or lack of complexity. Still drinkable, but does not clear the bar. Did not upset me.
40-45: Committed the unforgivable sin of grabbing my interest and then letting me down. Bland, one or two note teas. Not bad tasting so much as boring. I’m much more likely to score an unimpressive tea here than an unmemorable tisane, which usually land a category higher due to my lack of emotional investment in them.
30-35: Bad notes on the tongue that can’t be overlooked, or a funky order that throws everything off. At some point I consider putting it down the drain, especially if they’re tisanes.
20-25: Probably would score a notch or two higher if they succeeded in avoiding my scorn, but for whatever reason, they’ve bothered me. Not expressly terrible but drew my ire.
10-15: Major flaws. Gross.
1: Wretched, miserable sinful waste of vegetation. Major flaws and it made me angry.

Location

Massachusetts, USA

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